While missing my mom recently I was thinking of an aspect of her that pervaded my childhood. She would put herself, her love, her spirit what have you into creating a safe and beautiful home.
I have written on this blog my confessions about how I hate to clean, how I am bad at housekeeping and how I do not have the house that I want. This idea, that I am naturally unable, can almost be held up as some excuse to continue to be unable. To continue to have a home I do not love. What is that?
Women have a tendency to find things about themselves that they do not like and run a constant internal battle over it. In my teens it was my bad skin. For some it is their body or appearance. For me now it is my home.
When women bash how they look, I always think to myself, “Why are they doing that? They are so beautiful, cool, have all these talents, etc, why are they not happy with how amazing they are?”
Could this apply to me? Could this inner dialog I have about my home be the same thing as the senseless knock down I see other people do about themselves? Maybe if I actually started to just find things I admire about my home it could start to get better. Maybe if I started to find the beauty in it instead of the faults it could become the home I love instead of a burden.
It is my belief that through admiring things and putting love in them you are in a sense putting life into them. That was a skill my mom had in creating spaces. I am able to do this in many areas, but in my home I am not consistent and then I build up failures, worry and regrets. I don’t want to feel that way anymore. It’s stupid.
I am going to work on this through a weekly photo project. Every week I am going to take images of my home and parts of it I love.
I am really over feeling like I cannot create and continue to create a beautiful home.
What are you over? What do you want to stop beating yourself up over? Maybe we could do this together in our own respective areas.