I wrote this about Phoebe last week while waiting in her room for her to fall asleep:

The other day Phoebe talked in great detail about what it was like being inside me and being born. She said: “I went into mommy’s tummy. I could hear my sisters. I stayed very quiet when I was in there and then after I went in I came out and I was born.”

We all sat there listening to her as she continued to describe it. We didn’t challenge her. We didn’t lead her as to what to say. She just calmly explained the sequence of events to her family.

Phoebe has become very aware of herself recently. She tells me how she feels. She explains to me when she feels sad and when she feels happy.  She’s been having a few tantrums where she will just scream non-stop, but it’s not the norm. They usually occur at around 4:30 pm when she is hungry and hasn’t napped.

I have finally figured out how to put her to bed. This is SUCH a relief to me because with my previous two girls it was a battle for two to three years after they learned to get out of their cribs. My girls would just not go to sleep and every night ended in tears and frustration after several hours. It was a special type of torture.  With Phoebe I worked out her afternoon naps need to be minimal. This does contribute to the 4:30 pm melt down but I’ll trade a 10 minute tantrum for a kid that goes to bed at a decent hour any day. By the time 8 pm rolls around she is exhausted. We read a book and I stay in her room answering emails on my phone with my back turned towards her until she falls asleep. It usually takes about 20 minutes.

Phoebe turns three next week. THREE! I haven’t had an actual birthday party for her yet. We had always done small family parties, but this year she requested to spend the day at the pool with her best friend so we’ll be celebrating this weekend with a few family and friends.

I must say that this third baby really changed me. She made me grow up. We could not afford a third child. I had no idea how I was going to handle the extra work that came with a third baby. But I did. We made more money. I worked harder. We figured it out and we are all the better for it because now we get to listen to a little girl explain how one day she went in her mommy’s tummy and then she came out and was born.

 

ps. Phoebe’s first and second birthday

Decades ago a young father opened his heart and his home to two small girls. Due to a series of tragic events these two girls had found themselves thrust into the foster care system. This young father forever changed the landscape of my mother-in-law and her sister’s childhood.

I had only met this man once at my wedding. I had also never talked much to Connie about her childhood. To a degree there was a separateness between me and the history there. I didn’t know this void of understanding existed until I traveled 1,000 miles to take my children to meet this young father who had become an old man.

To spend those 4 days and see the connection Connie had with this man who had profoundly affected her life was a gift.

We spent hours together. We laughed. We shared meals. We told stories. We had fun.

It took a thousand miles of road for me to learn this history that is Connie’s heritage and witnessing their pure and strong bond is something I will never forget.

Kia Motors offered to lend us their Kia Sedona Mini Van for the weekend so we could fit all 7 of us for the trip down there. Oh man… they say once you get in a minivan, you can never go back to a regular car. Well, I don’t know if they actually say that, but this had reclining seats, a touch-close door and the front seats were so comfy for our long ride. I couldn’t get over the joy Steve and I experienced having the two older kids in the third row seat. We could actually have full conversations. Bliss.

Thanks so much Kia for helping us make this trip possible. I put this little video together of the journey.

 

Life.

Sometimes the moments are flying by and I am just trying to catch them before they flitter away like a tissue on fire.

One day I come home from work and Phoebe looks to have grown 5 inches and her face shape is suddenly that of a young girl rather than the baby I put to bed the night before.

Chloe is graduating from 5th grade tomorrow. She is wearing small wedges, getting her nails done and iMessaging her friends while working on art for hours. She just wrapped a full year of dancing 4 times a week culminating in two weeks of performances. She has more persistence and patience than I ever had.

Ella is has turned from a girl who hated to read into a young student who is reading and working above grade level in all subjects. She has become proficient in gymnastics and never stops moving until she crashes at the end of the night.

I’ve been married to my husband 15 years come June 10th and we are still in love and he is working tirelessly to complete our house renovation.

We just got approval to cover! Meaning we passed our electrical and plumbing inspections.

I cannot wait for this renovation to be over. I need a kitchen so badly. I have gained 15 pounds.

Time is marching on, my thighs are getting bigger, my kids are doing well and overall I think I am doing a good job of keeping everything rolling in the right direction.

Writing and updating this space here has helped to keep me grounded to the whole process of motherhood, adulthood and just my general need for a creative outlet. It’s served to help me keep track of all these passing moments in the hope they won’t be lost somewhere forgotten.

Somehow taking a picture and writing a few words makes it real. Of course that’s not true, life is real. My children are real. My house is real. My friends and family are real. My love for my husband is real. But I’m sure you know what I mean.

Everywhere around us are tools to help us keep track of the passing moments. Those tools can be our trap or those tools can set us free.

This blog to a degree has set me free. It has served as a guide through these past 3 years of change and I have landed on my feet.

Thank you for reading. At times it feels self-indulgent to even write all these things, but I know for some of you this blog has brought you joy, so I will keep posting from time to time when I have a few moments to slow down and get it all out.

xoxo from San Francisco,

Jen