Hot or Not

You used to do your hair. You used to wear things besides yoga pants. Maybe even a stiletto. Makeup was an everyday occasion and not just once a month. You exercised. You went shopping. You loved going to Target, ok you still love going to Target, but isn’t going shopping sometimes annoying now? Your stomach wasn’t a road map of stretch marks or jiggle.

You were hot.

Well you know what? You are still hot. Maybe you are even hotter. Maybe it’s just different now.

I have a pretty constant dialogue with myself about things that are wrong with my appearance or how I am handling some aspect of my life. A good percentage of it does revolve around how I look. I’m kind of vain, but aren’t we all a little vain?

The unfortunate thing about this self-criticism is it is mostly unfounded. Self-awareness of making unhealthy choices like eating 3 pieces of chocolate cake and not exercising for 5 months is important, but for the most part when I look at pictures from a time period in the past when I had been hard on myself I think, “I looked really good then, why was I even worried about looking fat in that photo?”

I have been thinking a lot lately about what it means to be a mom, especially a young mom and how that relates to my relationship with myself.

How do you find the balance between taking care of yourself and not feeling like you’re selfish or robbing time, attention or funds away from your family?

How do you find the balance between looking good but not drawing negative attention toward yourself?

One of the biggest problems I have is how to financially support good self-care. If I was to do the exercise program I really know gets my body into perfect shape it would cost me about $200 per month. I just don’t have that. Paying for my daughter’s gymnastics is more important to me than a perfectly sculpted thigh.

There is article after article that says “Take care of yourself!” “You are important.” “Love yourself.” “You can’t take care of your family unless you take care of yourself.” It’s all just become a bunch of “blah, blah, blah, I’ve heard it all before, nice little quotes about self-empowerment.”

So what the heck is the point of this post? I think I am just trying to say, let’s not waste time being so freaked out by the fact we are not hot anymore or are getting old, or think to ourselves, “I really wish I hadn’t eaten that danish.”

If you’re going to wear yoga pants, own it. Rock those yoga pants. If you’re carrying a little extra in the middle, embrace that juicy body. If you aren’t happy with how you look, I don’t know… put on some lipstick or take a 20 minute walk.

I guess actually doing something is better than sitting there being upset about it.

What do you think?


For the past two weeks I have been walking daily after about 6 months of no exercising.

I am so hot in my red khakis.


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7 responses

  1. I totally know where you are coming from, I live there all the time. I have come to realize it is not quite so much how skinny you are, but how confident you are. Confidence shows in what you wear as much as how you wear it. Red Khakis — LOVE them!!!! The show “What not to wear” was awesome in helping me realize this. It took people of ALL body types and showed them how to dress their bodies in a way that they felt comfortable and looked great. Having said that, thinner people look better no matter what (and sorry, Jen, you are still one of the thin ones), and those of us who pack more pounds have to put in more effort.

    My weight has ALWAYS (since puberty) been a problem for me. I don’t like to exercise which is part of the problem. But with our primarily sedentary life styles, I really wish that I had established a better routine for it and made it more of a priority when I was younger. Yes, I had to deal with my kids, yes, there were lots of really important things to do with my time and my body was low on that list. But, as I get older, I am paying for that lack of prioritization through excess weight that is hard to control, and a variety of minor body issues. My advice for young moms is to figure out how to get the exercise, even if it is walking while pushing a stroller or taking the kids out for a long bike ride, or declaring 30 mins a day as “mom’s exercise time”, but get that workout in somehow some way. I personally like Beach Body programs. They are a bit pricey, but there is enough variety in each program that I can do it and come back to it.

    • Thank you so much for this open and honest comment! I agree that exercising when the body is younger is vital.

  2. Nice post Jenny! I have to say that it is possible to have it all – time for yourself and time for the kids too. I was pretty broke when my boys were little and that’s when I met your dad and got a crush on him – I had to be hot LOL. I think its VERY important to take care of yourself – not so much to look ‘hot’ but to be happy in your life. If you are happy you’re a better mom. At least that was true for me. I put my attention on the quality of time with the boys rather than the quantity so that I could go on course, do things here and there with grownups and date your dad too. Just sayin. My kids are grown now and turned out great so it worked. I have to admit though that I did feel guilty at the time sometimes but now in hindsight I see that it really was the quality of the time.

    • I agree that we are better moms for sure if we are happy. I love your tip about quality of time vs quantity.

  3. I love this post! I have had all of these thoughts since I became a mom 8 months ago. I’m almost 25 so I’m still very young but that almost makes it worse. I’m too young not to be hot, haha. I decided I was going to try to get dressed every day and not leave the house looking like the walking dead, it has made me feel better. Also, I invested in a couple pairs of nice yoga pants because let’s be honest I’m still in those half the time… Might as well have everything held in well. But also, I recently looked at some pictures of myself and I do look older and like I could maybe be a mom, and I liked it. I like the way I look. There’s a certain maturity that comes with being a mom and I think it looks good on a woman.

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